Oh, Coldwell Banker. Something about you still says 1985, and something always will.

This is a pretty classic, timeless design. It’s dominated on the left by a giant photo, boxed in blue, with a small white gap. The caption under the photo, totally unrelated, lets you know, yet again, that each office is independently owned and operated. You’d think it’d be her name, but no.

The type on this card is, of course, a little odd. But I find it strangely compelling.

Susan’s name is way too small for my liking; and she seems to have quite a few acronyms after it. What are they?

Well, GRI is “the mark of a real estate professional who has made the commitment to provide a high level of professional services by securing a strong educational foundation.”

It kind of sounds like they’ve sworn off booze or given up sex or something, but really it just means they attended a lot of classes. So, that’s a good thing. I suppose.

And CRS is “the highest Designation awarded to sales associates in the residential sales field.”

Why is Designation capitalized? Beats me. But anyway… so Susan is both GRI and CRS. That’s good. Though, really, who knows what these mean? I do, because I looked them up. And you do, because I just told you… but otherwise? Eh, nobody.

Anyway… these kinds of Acronyms, while working well for say MDs and DDSes, don’t really carry the same weight for real estate agents. At least not to the general public.

But that’s not really the fault of the card, I suppose.

While we’re talking about marks, she’s also got the gold, cursive M. That means she’s in the million dollar club. We’ll go into that another time, but it’s code for “she drives a nice car.”

This card is awesome.

But I do have to ask, is it really for a Realtor®?

Or is it for a private detective?

Okay, here’s one of those cards that is confusing from the get-go.

The girl in the big red blazer, that is not Cynthia Schmier.  She’s just a member of her team. What is it with naming your real estate company something something team? I guess it gives a sense that you’re working with a bigger group of people, perhaps somewhere behind the scenes. But the truth is, most people deal with just one Realtor and never actually meet their boss (or much less care to, unless they’re horrible).

But back to the card. Okay, Karena, I’m sorry, but that red blazer is not working for you. It is a different color from the pseudo-table you’re leaning over, and it just seems non-fitting. Shoulder pads?

Also, what’s up with that pose? Is it direct from your senior pictures?

The hand-over-hand thing doesn’t work, sure, it might advertise that you don’t have a wedding ring, but is that at all relevant? And what about your eblow? It’s not on the table, it’s just sticking out there, hovering in whiteness?

This card gets kudos for just listing one number and naming it direct. People want to reach you, and they don’t want to choose between office, cell and home—how are they suppose to know where you are. So I like the one number and naming it direct. Makes sense.

But that kudos is quickly metered by horrible typography;  gold, practically illegible type for Cynthia’s name, Copperplate Gothic small caps for Karena’s name, and followed by the strangely set, yet red underlined, slogan.

From what this card is showing, excellence isn’t a goal that’s been attained… so I guess that’s why it’s just a way of life.

Rating: 2 stars.

The John L Scott cards aren’t bad.

It has a green swoosh, and unnecessarily repeats John L Scott, but it is fairly minor.

They include a picture, but it’s not giant… this particular one doesn’t instill tons of confidence; he seems a little too happy, almost giddy about wearing a tie… but it’s okay. The spring flowers in the background add a little bit of color to an otherwise green-dominant card.

The one “weird” thing about this one is how “Your family realtor” is in quotes.. and Realtor isn’t capitalized.  That word is pretty important to real estate professionals, so not capitalizing it is weird. The way Realtor is positioned right above it makes it look repetitive again…

My suggestion would be to drop one of the John L Scott logos, and put that a little larger and in italics—that is, of course, if it is still deemed necessary. I think these little slogans don’t really ad much.  In this case it seems like he doesn’t want to work with people who are single.

I’m sorry. Why isn’t there a photo?

Was your camera broken that day? Did it seem too far to travel?

I just don’t get it.

You’re selling a house. The first thing people want to do is see it.

If you think it’s so crappy on the outside that no one will want it, then you still should get a photo up there. Let them decide. Don’t try and pre-decide for them.

Not having a picture wastes other people’s time. Now they’ll have to do a drive by. Annoying.

Don’t list the house until you’re ready. Please.

Okay, this one isn’t so much a Lie as an example

Close to Reid College & Woodstock areas.

This is a listing for Portland, Oregon. Home to Reed College. There is no Reid College.

How do spell the name of the college wrong? How? How do you live in Portland, are a Real Estate agent, are listing a house, and spell the nearest landmark completely wrong?

I don’t get it.

And how has no one else caught this? Please, proofread your action folks. Please.

“Has to many extras to list”

Really? There are really too many to list? How many is too many? Five? Ten? Twelve? A few dozen? Hundreds?

Whenever you see the too many extras line, you can take that as a warning sign that it either needs repair to turn those extras into benefits or the owner has done some wacky stuff inside (maybe it’s pink wallpaper or something creative involving the bathroom) that can’t really be seen as a plus, but definitely is extra.

Except for the Realtor logo and the word “fine homes” in the URL, you really can’t tell this is a real estate card.

Envirian? Isn’t that a bottled water made by PepsiCo?

And the blue triangle and all that; nothing says real estate about this card. Sorry.

Rating: 1 star.

Above the crowd? You mean, like you are crowd surfing at a rock show?

No. You mean, above the crowd, flying high in an air baloon. Okay… how do you show a house when you’re up there? I suppose it makes it easier to spot houses… but actually selling them?

Now, I realize this is one of the stock card backgrounds that ReMax provides…. but still.

It’s almost Mondrian style is not bad for 1980s graphic design… but just doesn’t really stand up in today’s competitive real estate card market.

This card demonstrates another pet-peeve of mine: “Each Office Independently Owned and Operated.”

WHO CARES?!? I don’t care who owns it… and say you do care, is that something you need to know the minute they give you their card. When I buy fries and a shake at McDonalds, I don’t get a notice on the bag or printed on the napkin that says this McDonalds is independently owned and operated. Because it doesn’t matter.

Disclosure: Jessica’s really nice, I met her in person when she did a preview.

Problem, though, is that her business card really really looks like she’s a hairstylist, not a real estate agent. Nothing on this card says realestate, except for the tiny little remax in the upper right corner.

This card is also on it’s side. I know that it is done to make you stand out, even more, but it just doesn’t.

Rating: 1 star.